Reply to Need ideas on how to quickly change the subject from adoption

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - because being adopted isn't in her mind  the most important initial or "defining" thing someone should know about her and we believe it's her story to tell or not more than ours and her decision on if or when she wants to share any part of it to anyone we've just met.  The best gift we can give her (in this situation) is the tools to determine if or when or how to share something personal.  Adoption seems like an oddity/curiousity to some and that's not who she is, especially at an age when she just wants to be like everyone else.  Just because someone wants to start a discussion about it doesn't mean she (or we) need to go along with it.  There are a hundred other things we would like to share about our DD.   We're looking for ways to move away from personal questions.    [/quote]

NP here. OP, I 100% agree with what you said.  I have an adopted daughter too (Korean) but I'm also Korean so despite the fact that my white husband has been asked a few times if she was adopted, no one has ever asked just me that, or asked that to us when we're together as a family.  I wish I could give you some suggestions (I think about this a lot) but have never really found anything that satisfies me (I can think of a ton of snarky things though  :))

BUT, I was also adopted to white parents and as an adoptee, I want to say thank you for guarding your daughter's privacy.  I was adopted in the 70s and transracial adoptions were rare and this new oddity, as you put it.  My parents were asked a ton of questions and while they could honestly say they knew nothing of my background, it always bothered me that they felt so free to discuss my personal history.  I know my mom was excited and proud but I felt slightly violated.

Anyway, each child is different and will react differently to these issues. As an adoptee and an adoptive parent, I agree that we should provide the tools for them to determine if/how/when they share their own story.

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