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[quote=Anonymous]Hi DCUM,

I'm 38, married 9 years with 2 kids. I'm in an interracial marriage, FWIW.

My problem regards my mother. I am her only child.

Recently, during this quarantine she stopped by our house to get something. I thought she was coming to the door and we would hand it off without contact.  I had the front door propped open from carrying groceries. While I was in the back she came inside and used the toilet. She didn't ask or tell us. We saw her coming out of the bathroom. DH was very blunt and told her to get out of the house because of quarantine. We'd been pretty careful about germs lately and had been dropping off groceries at her house. I think my mother was antsy and that's why she drove over. She said she had been out to 5 stores and really needed to go. I did not have a problem with her using the toilet, just with entering our house unannounced and without permission. Today, a few days later, she messaged me to say she told DH was inexcusably rude to her. I explained how we saw it was not respecting our space because she snuck in without asking and she launched into this whole thing about DH lacking manners and not being respectful enough to elders and that she was worried for my safety.

I'm not going to argue he wasn't rude. However, we have this ongoing battle over boundaries that goes back to when we were dating and the level of deference my mother wants, but this does not mean we get it in return. She routinely ignores our wishes or listens only for a while.

How do others set those boundaries? This is a small infraction but for me it's emblematic of the bigger problem. I was going to let it be until she implied I was in danger.

Genuine thoughts? [/quote]

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