Reply to Feeling hopeless about my marriage

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Feeling hopeless about my marriage"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just outsource more.  Sounds like he makes good money and likes his job..  He’s probably not going to change.  He wants you to change, you want him to change, blah blah blah, not gonna happen.  Just outsource more.

Also Don’t micromanage his parenting.  You cannot make him into a super dad or even an okay dad.   The best way to get him to have fun with your kids is to have him see you having lots of fun with the kids.  Even then it might not work and that’s life, you can’t make people get into things.  You can however have a blast with your kids.  Control what you can let go of the rest. [/quote]

I’m divorced now from someone who has a mental illness which, in certain parts of the cycle, looks like ADHD (So much so that pre-diagnosis, I once went to then DH’s pdoc appt w/ a list of symptoms asking if he could have ADHD).

Sadly, I agree w/ PP on parenting. You cannot make someone the kind of parent they do not want to be.  I spent a lot of time explicitly suggesting parenting techniques, silently role-modeling, and explicitly asking for more even split of duties.  None of it worked. It was, frankly, a waste of time better invested in my own adult life and my relationship with my kids.

Now I am divorced. I don’t get involved in DH’s parenting unless it is unsafe. Yes, the kids are probably sad he never took 50/50 custody when offered. Yes, the kids are irritated that in the 15 years of divorce he has dropped custody on weekends when he got married, that he only sporadically invites them for sleepovers and has never created a room of their own in his house or bought them a real mattress to sleep on.  I have no power to change that.

It sucks to realize that you are married to someone who is unwilling to shoulder an equal load.  It is unfair.  Focus on yourself. Raise your kids to be helpful, bot to make up for their Dad’s absence but to make sure they grow up as responsible indepent creatires who can care for themselves and others.

At a certain point you will likely confront whether you and the kids are better off in an environment with him or without him.  Be ready. Consult a lawyer now to understand what custody and support would look like and how to document who is primary caregiver in a way that supports what you think is appropriate custody.  Get your personal finances in order. Focus on your career. Focus on the relationships that you have influence and control over. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics