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[quote=Anonymous]Please tell me I’m doing the right thing

I am 35(f), husband is the same age.  Been together for 8 years, married for 4 years and we have a 7 month old, who’s been the easiest baby since the day his birth.  Ever since he was born, things have REALLY escalated between us, to depths I never thought possible, and he has resorted to verbal abuse (calling me names, f*ck you, go die, giving me the finger, etc), emotional abuse (gaslighting, blocking me on his phone), and lying, especially about alcohol- it’s where most of our fights stem from.  It’s daily (the fighting, not the drinking.  He’s not an alcoholic but has a terrible relationship with alcohol.  It got a lot better when I was pregnant but he started drinking again and I’ve caught him drinking behind my back and trying to watch our baby with no other adult in the house).  And then a few hours later it’s like nothing’s happened.  He’ll ask what I want to watch on Netflix or want to talk current events.  The worst is, he’ll yell at me in front of the baby after I tell him it is absolutely unacceptable.  Ill add that husband has severe ADD that he never got treated for and was also severely psychologically abused by his father as well as some physical growing up...like call CPS kind of level.  On the surface you’d never tell, but I know deep down inside he has severe self esteem issues and unresolved pain.  I have begged him for years to go to therapy for this, but he refuses.

I’m certain I’m done and so is he (tbh, I don’t think he expected fatherhood to be what he thought it was, and he’s just too immature- I caught him putting a cigarette in the baby’s hand and taking pics and thinking it was so funny- I was mortified, and he was pissed I was).  The asshole doesn’t even want physical custody of him at all...and in some ways, thank god for that.  I don’t know what he’d call me to his son behind closed doors.

At the same time, as crazy as it sounds, I look at the future and wonder if I should stay for a little longer.  I do still feel guilty on occasion for “breaking up a family,” I wonder how my heart will break when my son asks why other homes have daddies and ours dont.  I wonder if my son will ask why I couldn’t stay with him for just a little longer in the future, that I was too hasty.  Or perhaps this is just the abuse cycle.  Sometimes I rationalize and say, I’ll wait til he’s a year or two, but then he’ll go off on a rampage and I wish I could just take my son and run away in that moment and be gone forever.

No physical abuse, and he’s never been violent or shown any signs of violence like throwing things.

Please tell me I’m doing the right thing.[/quote]

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