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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is going to come across as mean spirited but I truly don't want it to be - I just don't understand using both donor egg and donor sperm, at that point why not just adopt a child and save your body the trauma? I say that as someone who desperately wanted children and went through IUI and IVF - it was the single most damaging thing I have ever done to my body. I worry about the cancer implications of some of the drugs I took and what would happen in the future. If we needed both donor egg and sperm, I would just go for adoption. The costs of adoption and the time it takes can be comparable to artificial insemination.

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NP here. We considered both adoption and donor embryo, but ultimately decided to do neither. Donor egg only wasn't an option because of MFI and I wasn't willing (physically and emotionally) to risk more failed cycles if the sperm was too poor quality. We had a donor via a friend who had leftover embryos from IVF, but there are many Facebook and other private groups for individuals to connect and donate directly without going through an agency.

Cost - donor embryo, especially if you can find a known donor, can be very affordable. Legal fees for the contractual piece, plus the cost of transporting the embryos and the FET(s). That's a few thousand versus $30-60,000 for adoption. If you go through a donor embryo agency, the costs can skyrocket and be comparable to adoption. Some are religiously affiliated and require home visits like an adoption agency, which of course costs thousands and thousands of dollars.

Time - the adoption process, domestic or international, is usually a few years. Donor embryo can take a few months if you aren't going through an agency that adds in many more steps. Even if you do, it would be similar and a wash in terms of weighing pros and cons.

Certainty - after years of infertility, we weren't willing to start a process that could lead to multiple failed adoptions. Talking with people that adopted, this is MUCH more common than you think, especially if you're concerned about ethical issues* and are willing to walk away from situations that don't feel right. Of course a FET could fail, but the odds of a PGT-A normal transfer are pretty good, especially if you have 2-3 embryos to try.

Control of uterine environment - if you read adoption forums, you can pretty much guarantee that most children up for adoption have exposure to less than ideal prenatal conditions - malnutrition and poverty in international adoptions and drug and alcohol exposure in domestic adoptions. Not all, but most. Plus if you're doing anything other than a newborn adoption, that child has suffered trauma from an unstable or abusive home environment, or just from disrupted placements. Embryo donation avoids those issues completely.

Pregnancy/breastfeeding - we had secondary infertility and I felt confident my body could handle pregnancy, and I really wanted to be able to breastfeed again. If you're primary infertility, the desire to experience pregnancy can be significant and is an important consideration. And because you mention the damage to your body from fertility treatments, let me say that we did 5 rounds of IVF and my RE said that it is closer to 10 before the risks of cancer and complications from the hormones start to rise. And a donor embryo transfer is an FET, those are either very low hormones or even natural cycle. Nothing like a fresh stim cycle.

* on the ethical issue point, I was initially really drawn to adoption, but did a lot of research and realized that the ethical issues in international and domestic adoptions are HUGE. I couldn't get my head around participating in a system that has a lot of problems without doing so with my eyes open and doing a lot of extra effort to ensure the adoption was ethical, and didn't feel emotionally prepared to do that after suffering many losses and failures with infertility. [/quote]

I'm the PP and I just wanted to come back to say that I really appreciate your response. I honestly was not trying to be disingenuous. I hadn't considered some of the things that you mentioned so thank you for helping me understand it better.[/quote]

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