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[quote=Anonymous]and they jump to the conclusion that you've been doing it much longer than you say you've been doing it?

I don't really know how to explain this, but DH has a knack for "catching" me right when I start doing something like talking to a friend on the phone or sitting down to watch a TV show I DVR'd. For instance, I typically talk to my best friend once a day on the phone. I might have just gotten a million things done when she'll call and I'll stop for a minute to chat with her and DH comes home or comes downstairs or whatever and rolls his eyes that I'm "always talking to Larla" when that's the first time all day I've talked to her because we operate on different work schedules.

Or the kids will finally be in bed and I find myself with an hour to relax before bed and sit down to watch a show I DVR'd and DH will come downstairs and make a comment about how I'm "watching that show again?".

For context--although we both work full time, he's in sales and is *constantly* on the phone with people about things that sometimes are directly about deals but mostly are about work politics, other people at work etc. He will make and take calls pretty much at any point in the day except for if we're eating a meal together as a family (but he'll answer to say he'll call them back). I overhear a lot of the calls, so I know it's not all directly work related but a lot of times it's tangentially work related. Basically there's a double standard. *He* can talk to people constantly on the phone, but my one phone call per day constitutes that I'm "always" talking to Larla because he witnesses it happening once a day. At night If I sat around waiting for him to watch something together I would end up waiting around forever while he talks to someone or wraps something up that's work related. But he gets annoyed because he wants to talk with me (usually about his work stuff) at those times, so I think that's why he makes comments about it because in his mind I'm choosing to talk to a friend or watch TV over talking with him, but those are literally the only times I'm doing something for myself and I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to finish with his stuff when he is *constantly* doing his stuff.

DH is a very involved dad and we do about equal amounts to make the household function. He does more of the logistics type stuff like errands and laundry, and I do more of the caregiving stuff, but I can't complain that he doesn't pull his weight.

I've tried talking to him about the fact that he's jumping to conclusions about how I'm "always" doing XYZ just because he witnesses the one time per day I talk to Larla, or the few times per week I sit down to watch a show that only I want to watch. But it's getting to the point that I am starting to avoid doing those things to avoid being "caught". Like if I'm talking to Larla on the phone and I hear the garage open I will tell her I have to go because DH is home since I don't want him walking in and seeing me on the phone because then I'll have to hear a comment about it. But I still don't know how he manages to catch me "in the act". It's like he has a sixth sense!

A lot of it is just a timing coincidence, but I don't like feeling like I'm doing something wrong by talking to a friend or sitting on the couch or watching a TV show only I like to watch, and I really don't like that I'm finding myself changing my behavior to avoid hearing about it from DH.  How can he just not understand that it's just a timing coincidence and just because he sees me doing something doesn't translate to me doing it all the time? And even if I was doing it all the time, why is there a different standard for himself than for me?[/quote]

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