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[quote=Anonymous]NP. My now exH was diagnosed w/ bipolar II after we divorced. Very hypersexual during hypomania.  I just though he enjoyed sex with me.  Unbeknownst to me he was cheating on me for many years on and off with all kinds of women (work colleagues, dating sites, prostitutes). You would be surprised - he is not the type you would expect to do this.   The hypersexuality was not just about sex - it was also about having others attracted to him - so love letter type writing, and also porn use, etc.

Medicine can be very helpful to squashing the mania - Ex was on lithium and Seroquel, which worked very well. I don’t think he wanted to cheat when medicated, but he missed the mania and would not stick to medication which is very common in bipolar.  Hypersexuality is not the only aspect of mania - there is energy, a sense of invincibility, flight of ideas, sociability, etc.  They miss all that when medicated.

It took me about 4 years to figure out he was cheating. By that time I had 2 kids. Sadly, his bipolar has negatively affected his ability to parent.

I finally kicked him out. He could not stop cheating, would not take bipolar meds consistently and was misusing alcohol and prescription meds. He came from an alcoholic family and a parent was also (later) diagnosed as bipolar and had a long history of alcoholism and rehab, so the misuse was also scary to me.  I was not going to raise my kids with alcoholism.  I had to watch him very carefully to figure it all out.

I really encourage you to join the bpso.org website and listserv.  It is the best way to hear from many significant others of people w/bipolar.

Also, consider taking NAMI Family to Family.

And get your own individual therapist - you need to learn about bipolar and the role it is playing in your relationship, but you also need to focus on yourself and any kids and create the structure necessary to survive on your own.  Make sure you keep working enough to be able to support the family on your own.

Visit an attorney - if you are to stay together you will have to mania-proof your finances - separate accounts, regular credit checks, assets retitled  equally 50/50, powers of attorney for finances and healthcare power of attorney.

Also, psychiatric doctor must check in with you at least monthly to get an independent readout of DH’s mood.  Bipolar patients are notorious about not recognizing hypomania/mania - that’s when they think they are at their best.

good luck. [/quote]

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