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[quote=Anonymous]We are on the verge of a divorce.

My husband spent about 8 out of 12 months in a war zone tour last year, earning much more money than usual. During that period of time, his employer also provided an allowance to be used toward things like child care, which we used to hire an au pair while I continued working. Because of his higher pay, we were able to pay off a TSP loan he had taken to buy our house, as well as put away an additional 50k in savings. We don’t have any other debts other than our mortgage.

My husband, though initially he did not want to divorce at all (he’d rather live miserably in perpetuity, or at least until the kids are launched, than divide up accounts, etc) now wants to back-date our separation to when he left for his tour and whatever extra there is now would go to him. As much as I am eager to be free of him, it is arguable that our separation date could be as late as July 2019 because at that point, we were vacationing together as a family (And other things I’d rather not list here but are indicators that we were not fully separated at that point) his tour officially ended in July but he had spent the last 2 months stateside.

He basically wants to separate our finances and divorce now but still live in the same house for another year and a half until he goes out for another tour. For several reasons, I think this will be horrible, but I admit that I will be better positioned to obtain better housing for the kids on my own in a year and a half.

He does not want to pay lawyers and go to court about this, but the way he talks makes me think mediation is not going to go well. My question is about what is fair? I work but I stayed home when the kids were little and I don’t make as much as he does. Also, I don’t believe all of our financial gains during the Time period I question were due to him. Our retirement accounts and home equity has increased partially due to forces outside of our control. And I was working too! Also, he says he wants the kids 50 percent of the time but moans and groans whenever he is responsible for them. I literally cannot be out for one night (making arrangements for kids to be left with him, my parent, or friends) without him telling me how irresponsible of a parent I am.[/quote]

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