Reply to How to explain to my mom her bitterness towards my dad is becoming painful?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my mom used to run down my father in our weekly phone calls.  They didn't have the problems your parents did but my father clearly had disappointed my mother and she liked to tell me how.

At some point, I told her that I didn't want to hear about how she felt about my father.  That I wanted to have my own relationship with my dad without her interfering.  She got mad.  She said, "After what he did to you?"  Not clear what that was about.  He was a recovering alcoholic but I couldn't tell you anything specific he [i]did[/i] to me.  But I let that go.

Anyway, she respected that boundary.  And eventually our relationship got better once I no longer felt controlled by her drama.  This allowed me to accept her for who she was and to be nicer to her.  Because it didn't threaten my existence if she was mad/anxious/fearful.

I know it will be tough for you to set those limits with your mom but I encourage you to make that first step. Accept that she'll be upset with you and let her be upset.  Things won't get better unless you do.  Good luck!  Hope things get better![/quote]

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