Reply to How to explain to my mom her bitterness towards my dad is becoming painful?

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom and dad divorced in 2015.  Prior to the divorce, my dad had many, long emotional and physical affairs, starting from the time I was about 2 or 3 years old. When I was 16, one of them became very public, and although my parents decided to stay together, things were strained. When I was 23, I received a phone call from my dad, telling me he had another affair, was catching a flight for work, and that my mom had no one else to talk to. She stayed, they went to therapy. When I was 29,in 2015, my mom found out he was still seeing this woman, I think at this point he decided to end the marriage. At this point, my mom was pretty isolated, she had people at work, but most of their "friends" had been lost through the marriage turmoil. I asked her to stay with my husband and I for a few days immediately following the wreckage/discovery that the marriage was ending. Since that time she has talked to me a lot about her feelings, things that went on during the marriage, and her feelings about the situations. She had never really been on her own before and is very timid/scared/shy anxious. I feel like I am her main emotional support. My sister has, very healthily, set boundaries around my mom discussing my dad.

At the outset, I want to point out that I'm aware that going through all of this was horrible and traumatic for my mom and that my dad was an incredibly shit husband. I've suggested that she get therapy many times - who would not need therapy for this?! But I also feel that it has now been four years, and I am emotionally exhausted of hearing about my dad/my kids' grandfather with such bitterness. I also ache for her and want her to start really living her life. this experience has changed her from a warm, loving, mother into someone that is constantly anxious and incredibly insecure. I know my dad was horrible to her and that this caused her situation, but I can't carry this weight anymore. I've tried to tell her this, and to tell her she needs to talk to a professional about all of this, but she won't stop. And I have a hard time cutting her off, because I'm the only person that she's been able to talk to. Its almost making me sort of bitter towards her, as a part of me feels that she clearly should have left. I know she likely stayed for us for a portion of the time, but the situation was just untenable, and by the time I was 23, we were out of the house. I also feel like a part of her is holding on to this because otherwise she'll be expected to move on and become a whole person. I know it sounds awful I'm thinking these things, when she has been through so much. But the situation is wearing me out. [/quote]

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