Reply to If you went "no contact" with family member, how did that work out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It was a long time coming after forgiving and forgetting and the behavior repeating. Then, there was one episode that just was the "straw that broke the camel's back" and I was done. He (my father) was / is such a mean, abusive, narcissist (in addition to other things). Our home growing up with so dysfunctional in LARGE part (the vast majority) because of him.  Anyway, he barged in unannounced on a major occasion when no one thought he was coming. He wasn't planned for, paid for, expected . . . it made the entire event super uncomfortable. I just sort of when cold after that. He reached out once after but I brushed him off.

After that, I knew that the narcissist in him wouldn't make the effort to make amends b/c I was just an "asshole", "Punk kid", etc. etc. and he did everything (nothing) for me. I was ungrateful, etc. etc. I knew he'd never make amends so I knew it was over. It's been 20 years.

The only downside is I haven't been to my hometown in that time frame. It's a small town. I would see him. Or, he'd find out through family/friends that I was there. I have just avoided. It has affected my relationship with the rest of my family (just because out of sight, out of mind. But also they expect me just to forget about it. Again.) In the end, however, it is worth it. I am just done with his cancer in my life.

I hear his health is failing and he is starting to slide into dementia. Not sure what I'll do when he passes. [/quote]

This sounds a lot like the beginnings of my situation. I think when your father passes, you can decide then if it would be good for you to go see your family or not. [/quote]

Sounds like my situation with my father too. Could have written the first 2 paragraphs. OP, it has worked out fine for me and my family (my siblings as well). We are far better off without him - he is a cancer that spreads stress and chaos and misery to everyone he touches. I’ve made my peace with it and since he lives out of state, the whole out of sight out of mind means I think of him basically never. [/quote]

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