Reply to My emotionally abusive mother will not go away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to get a restraining order against her. You need to tell the school in writing (principal, DD's teachers, security if they have) that under NO circumstances is DD to be released to anyone but you or DH even if DD wants to go. [/quote]

No! This is way too broad. You need to specify that it’s the child’s grandmother who is NOT allowed to pick her up. The school can handle one person being on the no-pick I list. The blanket ban makes you and your husband sound insane and paranoid. [/quote]

PP, don't toss around terms like "insane and paranoid" at OP. She should restrict pickup privileges as much as she wants.

OP, any chance that your mom has snowed other relatives who think she's just fine? Could another person on your pickup list possibly get one of your DDs from school and take her to grandma? Be sure others in the family know that your mom is cut off and why. But PP above would say that's being "paranoid." It's not. [/quote]

The blanket ban on anyone picking up the kids because there’s a good chance at some point you will NEED help from someone else. Then you’re in the awkward position of contacting the school and saying “I know said NEVER release Larla to anyone but DH and I, but I have a meeting that’s running late and DH can’t make it to pick up so we need to have Larlo’s dad drive them hone.” You immediately lose credibility.

However, contacting the school and saying that Grandma is not allowed to pick up either child and you need to be notified immediately if she enters the school is keeping the lines of communication open. The school cannot read your mind to know what’s happening unless you tell them. They are used to complicated custody situations and they can help you navigate this. If you get a restraining order, that’s even more helpful.

Telling the school only you and DH can pick up your kids is the opposite of helpful. The kids are never going to a friends house after school- ever?! Don’t do this, just communicate with the school and your children’s activities. 
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