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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My brother got divorced about 3 years ago and, since then, has remarried. He has a child from his first marriage (elementary aged), a toddler from his second, and another child on the way.

I last was my ex-sister in law about two years ago over Christmas holidays (I go to that area every other year for Christmas). We send occasional texts free of meaningful content because the divorce has been very bitter. So, I might text “happy birthday! Thinking of you today!” Or she might drop a note saying “you would really like this show on TV...” and we send pictures of the kids, but we don’t chat anymore.

A few weeks ago I booked my flights for Christmas. I wrote ex-sister in law that I didn’t know my exact plans, but if she was interested I’d like to grab a cup of tea with her; if she was too busy I’d understand. She wrote “that sounds lovely! Let me know what works for you closer to the date!”

Since then, my brother sent an email to our family members saying that he and his wife feel strongly that we not let our children see /  visit with Ex sister in law (because of how nasty things are); if she invites us over they want us to reverse the invitation (I’m assuming with the belief she’ll decline).

Obviously my brother is my family member and the relationship I’ll be maintaining going forward, but can I still have tea with her? Do I ask permission of him / his wife, or assert that I’ll respect the wishes not to get together with the kids but I’m planning to catch up with her? She was in our family (dating and marriage) for over a decade and I’d like to try to be at least civil. But I don’t want to burn bridges with my brother or make things worse for his family. [/quote]

NP  I think your brother and new SIL were out of line.  I would continue to meet and talk to former SIL  If he complains tell him that he has no right to control your relationships with anyone.   Tell him you are sorry he feels this way but to MYOB.   I wouldn't share either and do NOT ask permission.  You are a grown adult and have rights to visit and see whomever you want.

Good luck!  Sorry you are in this position but, your brother sounds like a jerk[/quote]

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