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[quote=Anonymous]I never really thought about how little sense this statement made, and I myself made it years ago giving it zero thought, which is not like me. But, I had not yet been given an incentive to reflect and rethink this silly idea.

My teen daughter has come out to me as pansexual. Its ok if you don't know what that means, as its not important.

It took me all of two weeks to adjust to this idea, only because I had to wait for her to tell me everything that led to her understanding, and that took about two weeks to gel.

Once it became clear, it was an easy adjustment for me to make. Why? Because it changed absolutely nothing about how I parent her and what my goals are for her.

First, she needs to know herself and accept herself fully so she knows how to expect that from a future bf/gf and ultimately life partner (she wants to marry and have kids)/

Second, she needs to know how it looks when someone accepts her fully, and thats my job to model for her, with of course the parenting parameters thrown in re: instilling the idea of healthy and positive choices.

Finally: she needs to actually figure out how to relate to a person and build a relationship, and experience is the only way that really happens.

So, none of the above are any different based on her orientation.

In conclusion: my being a heterosexual did not spare me any difficulty actually RELATING to a bf or partner. Had I known the things I am trying to teach my daughter, it sure would have spared me a lot of grief. But then, I wouldnt be who I was, and I probably would not even have her.

While the world is still hostile to LQBTG+ persons, the world is generally hostile and we have to learn to protect ourselves from harm. The troubles created for a person by identifying as LGBTQ+ are made by the hostile world, not the other way around.

So, for parents new to this my kid isnt straight thing, try not to freak out about the problems they will face. You can do a LOT to mitigate their fears (which set them up for danger later in life) by loving acceptance of their growth. And this of course applies to parents of straight kids too.

So, I feel stupid for ever thinking anything would be easier if someone was straight. Its an idea with no real basis in the actual challenges of life.  I am not trying to diminish problems faced by the community, not at all. Rather, I invite parents new to all this to roll up their sleeves and just dive into being part of the solution and not adding to the problem. I mean, are you doing this life and parenting thing or aren't you? You didn't get to pick and choose the challenges in your life to date, did you?

Be willing to throw out ideas that don't help you OR your kid and settle into the deeper complex questions of life and happiness that apply to us all.  I feel like settling this whole orientation thing really helped my daughter address her other issues that kind of were put on hold.

I told my daughter I would never want her to be any different than she is. And that is 100% true.

Long before I even had a kid, I saw this documentary that everyone should see, especially parents of children who have come out because its all about the experience of parents whose children have come out, and how they did or did not step up to the plate. Break out the tissue box because you will see people dig deep BECAUSE THIS IS THEIR CHILD, and others, well, not so much. Its inspiring. (Most stepped up to the plate and often the ones you would least expect!)
https://www.amazon.com/Anyone-Everyone-Susan-Polis-Schutz/dp/B000WGLADI
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