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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH travels often for work, so he misses a lot of key events. I always make it a point to include ILs and always extend an invite to them and my parents. Without fail, ILs will tell me they ‘will let me know’ and then they will call right before to cancel. I’m always left wondering, and it affects planning how much food/drink to buy, times, etc. It seems the simple fix would be, make more food and have leftovers, leave and don’t wait for them, etc. The funny thing is, they tend to not show up but expect/are hurt if they are excluded. And sometimes they do come! So it’s not as easy as to say just expect them not to come. It’s starting to really annoy me, and I’m not sure the best most logical way to handle it going forward, without letting it constantly stress me in the days and hours before an event. If you’ve dealt with this, how do you deal?[/quote]
So first it's 'without fail' they don't come, then you write that they 'tend not to show up' and then you write 'sometimes they do come!"  It seems to me this is more about your hurt feelings than actually planning for them.  I don't blame you for feeling hurt, if that's the case, but try to get over that by understanding that it is not about you or your kids, it's about them.

In terms of the actual planning, just tell them your plans.  When they say they'll let you know, just say, "ok, please let me know by x date so I'll be sure to have enough food" or "ok, just let me know by x time, because that is when we are leaving" (so you aren't waiting for them).  Again, just try to think about it practically rather than on an emotional level.

I know you'll get the opposite advice here, but I would urge you not to stop inviting them.  [b]It's an easy way to keep them happy and sometimes they do come, and that's important for your kids. [/b] [/quote]
My kids gets upset when they don’t come. I have tried not telling them I even invited, and just let their showing up be a happy surprise, but my kids get upset either way when they aren’t there. So yes, it’s emotional for me. [/quote]

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