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[quote=Anonymous]My sister and I have always had a very weird relationship.  From childhood forward, she has harbored a lot of resentment towards me and she is easily enraged over the smallest issues. She felt I was always treated as the golden child and that I am a mean and hurtful person who has never deserved anything I've "earned."  Now, as adults, it's become even worse.  I am living the life I set out to live: I have a wonderful husband and family, work part-time at a job I really enjoy and is meaningful, and we live a UMC lifestyle.  She is divorced and was forced to move closer to my parents for help. She has a job, but admittedly, it doesn't pay a lot so my parents subsidize her entire life and, really, are in no position to do so. My mother even takes my nieces to and from school every day so they don't have to ride what my sister calls, the "horrible bus," even though I know my mom would rather not have to schedule her entire day around two different schools.

To keep our family get-togethers as peaceful as possible, I have always had to (ok - try to)suck up passive aggressive and mean comments, endure being yelled at or complained about, and stay cool when she's decided I've done something completely horrible and rages at me.  Needless to say, I'm not always good at the latter.  Recently, we were all together for a family event.  After the event ended (and everyone, including me and my sister) had over-served themselves at the open bar, my sister finally let loose.  It was just me, my sister, and my mom sitting around the living room and Sister went off. She accused me of horrible things and of being a horrible person. She asserted that I cheated throughout undergrad and grad school to receive my professional credentials.  She stated that everyone in the family hates me and that I make everybody's life miserable.  I stood there as she was screaming at me approximately 6 inches from my face.  I told her to "F...off" and that I was going to head to bed.  She lunged at me with a fist.  I told her if she did that again, I was calling the police - then (and I know this is where I messed up) I accused her of using our poor parents and robbing them of their peaceful and financially sound retirement. I reminded her that none of us get where we are without help, but I earned my life through scholarships and hard work while she waited for hand outs. Then I turned to go up the stairs.  Well, that did it...she physically attacked me and started choking me.  It was awful.  I was trying to fight back, but she is definitely stronger than I am and only had some luck kicking at her.  My poor mother was yelling at her to stop.  I finally kicked her hard enough that she got off of me and yanked out a handful of my hair in the process.

I cannot tell you how horrified and angry I was.  I escaped to my room while my mother tried desperately to calm my sister down.  Sister continued to scream horrible things at me from downstairs for the next hour!  Finally, my mother gave her a credit card and told her to check herself in to a hotel(!).

The next day we had to get together with extended family again and, for the sake of my husband, kids, and reputation, I tried to act as though nothing happened.  Sister couldn't do it and ignored me all day while making passive aggressive comments about me to my cousins and aunts.

So with all that detail-- we are supposed to go back out there for Christmas.  The plans were made and tickets were bought before this last family debacle. My parents are definitely looking forward to having us because they don't get to see my kids at Christmas too often. Obviously, Sister and her kids will be involved in all of the festivities since they live a mile from my parents and, frankly, she doesn't do anything that involves money without my parents being involved.

I don't want to rob my kids of Christmas with their grandparents and cousins.  My kids know nothing about the fight, so it would be shocking for them to here that we are cancelling our travel plans that they are very much looking forward to.  DH knows about the fight but thinks I should show up with my head held high and just ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore.  He says that my parents are obviously aware that our behavior is bad when we are together and that they know it's her fault.  Now, I'm not sure of that last part, but either way, I'm tired of trying to be the better person and having her scream in my face anyway.  I want to just end the relationship forever, but I'm not sure that's even possible if I want to remain close to my parents.

WWYD?
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