Reply to If your kid is the ‘mean girl’

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Crap.  Posted before I could finish.

Anyways....

Our two older sons (by 8 and 12 years) are similar to us in personality.  Introverted, socially awkward, close knit friends but never popular.

It’s been a journey raising our daughter due to personality differences and some medical trauma she experienced in childhood.  It’s safe to say she’s been spoiled and we kind of ignored some of her behaviors.

Now we can see (and have had others point out to us) some truly troubling behaviors.  Bullying, excluding other girls based on appearance, class, the way they dress etc...  Writing terrible notes to supposed friends.  Lying.  Generally vindictive behavior.  She seems to have no remorse for the mental torment she puts her peers through.  We had our head in the sand for awhile but were recently faced with hard evidence and feel like we don’t know or like our own daughter who hid a lot of this very well.

What can we do?  [/quote]

I think if you leap into punishment, she's not going to develop empathy. I would talk with her-- what is she getting out of this behavior, how might it be harmful to others, who does she want to be?

I would consider broadening her horizons- not just the usual suggestion to volunteer (although that can be helpful), but expand her world a little bit with activities away from school, if possible.

It's okay to acknowledge to your DD that you may have dropped the ball in the past by not emphasizing what is important about how we treat others. Then, you need to set the boundaries and consequences going forward- you will monitor electronics use more diligently. If you have evidence or hear from another source that your DD isn't treating others with dignity, she will lose her phone for a period of time.

I think this will work best because you've admitted that your DD is indulged and you haven't attended to her character development due to some medical issues-- and didn't see this coming because her personality differs from the rest of your immediate family. It's okay-- some kids require more parenting in various respects than other kids. "Know better, do better."[/quote]

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