Reply to I served my dh with divorce papers after 23 years of marriage and we dated prior to that for many

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]years. We started dating in college, but didn't live together til we were married. I found out he cleaned out his 401K, it should have been at least 800K. He spent all but 100K, probably several hundred thousand in cash, i'm not sure on what. He has some expensive hobbies, but i'm really not sure and he won't say. I think it has something to do with a "dating service" bc in a moment of weakness after I filed he mentioned something along those lines. He also quite his 170K job without telling me. That is what prompted me to serve him, after that I found out about the retirement money missing. He obviously has problems, he drinks a lot too. He is now stalling on the divorce and can't believe I served him, i guess he thought i wouldn't despite my warnings in the past. Anyway, my life is upside down, we have 3 kids--2 who are in college. I can't imagine starting my life over but I have to, I'm very good looking and my friends keep telling me that I will "have no problem" finding a new person. The thing is, it's the very last thing on my mind. I have no desire to trust anyone again. I want to be alone. Is that normal?[/quote]

Wait, wouldn't your signature be required for him to drain the 401k?

Of course your wanting to be alone right now is normal. Tell your friends you are focusing on what you have to deal with now. And make sure your attorney looks very closely at what happened with the 401k. [/quote]

OP-thank you. [b]I think he rolled into IRA and/or took loans.[/b] He is stalling on the net worth statements and I don't have any money, and he isn't giving me any since I filed. His bonus went into the joint account, and he isn't living in the house.[b] I think he's working for cash somewhere, but he hasn't given me money.[/b] Re him quitting: he did it in 2016, and again this summer. In 2016, he pretended to go to work, thought he would get a job quick and say "oh I switched companies" ...it took 6 mos. This time he quit, his attitude was "you have no say in where I work".. I filed a couple of days later. It's been a nightmare, frankly. And I hope we can trace the retirement money, but my lawyer says he might actually get some of mine bc if he spent it, that's kind of my problem, believe it or not.[/quote]

Those are two entirely different things.  You will be able to trace a rollover.  What state are you in? Generally you will be sanctioned for attorney fees if you don't comply with production deadlines.

I think it is highly, highly unlikely he is working for cash if he makes north of $150K.  The people that work for cash are making far less than that and are usually working class / tradesmen.

There's a lot that doesn't add up here.[/quote]

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