Reply to At what point did your teen care more about their HS education than you did?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In other words, when did your teens develop the maturity to take their education seriously to the point that you're not on them to make more effort.  When I was a teen, I recall the light bulb went on for me around 9th grade. My older brother who I respect had a little chat with me. I remember him clearly stating that everything counts now starting 9th grade and that I need to make effort every day to stay on top of my school work, and do my best in academics, use my time wisely when I have chunks of time.  He also encouraged me to actively participate in extra curricular, I was in the orchestra for 7 years and absolutely loved it.  I'm sure my parents told me the same thing but it didn't resonate until he had that talk with me, partly I think because he's 2 years older than me and has always been a hard worker and does well in school and had just been through the path I was about to take.  I figured he knew best so I listened to him. 24 years later, my teenage boys are bright but they don't put in much effort. Everything comes easy and now my oldest who just entered 9th grade seems so laid back, he's getting B-/C+ so far and he doesn't see any problem, and doesn't want to make the effort or put in extra time to study until the night before a quiz.  Last year he was on the honor roll, and I'm sure he will be again this year, but he waits until the last minute, asks for reassessments and gets his grades up right before the end of the quarter.  Procastinator.  How do you motivate without nagging? How does that internal drive kick-in? I've talked to him about study skills, suggested Quizlet flash cards to stay on top of classes that require memorization, websites for math to practice etc.. but he rolls his eyes and says it's fine mom. I got it. I'm trying to step back and let him sit in whatever results he gets, but at the same time, he's capable of so much more with just a little more effort.  
I care too much
How do you get your teen to care more about his/her education than you do. [/quote]

You are too invested and I say that as one who did too.  You have to realize that it is their life and you can't control it as you did when they were younger.  What helped me was when I gave the kid ownership to their school work good or bad.  Meaning I didn't brag if they got all As or felt responsible if they failed a test.  I told them their successes were theirs to own and their failures were too.  They didn't get all As nor did they try to really and that is ok.  What you want is someone taking responsibility for themselves and if they were not ok with the consequences that they had to do something ( We would help them study for example or get them a tutor)  Stop asking about their work.  Tell them that you believe that they are responsible for their work and it will give them confidence.  9th grade is a good time to learn this life skill.  When you feel the need to ask if they did their work, resist and go for a walk.  [/quote]

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