Reply to At what point did your teen care more about their HS education than you did?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids have always had intrinsic motivation. They see us working hard (I work too) and celebrating our professional successes. They see us reading at night instead of watching TV. They know that their “job” is to do well in school. If they hate a subject they should still give their best efforts (even if they don’t end up doing well) because it’s good to put in effort.[/quote]

DCUM is full of people like this who offer the advice of "my kids are just naturally perfect and I'm the best parent ever".  It's great that you have that life, but when folks are asking for help, this is NOT helpful. There are a LOT of people out there who work hard and read before bed... and still have challenges with their teens.  In the same vein, threats like "you can't live with me if you don't go to college" won't work - not only is it likely an empty threat, and damaging to your relationship with your son, it's too abstract now for it to be motivating in any way.

OP, the best thing you can do is support, encourage, but don't fight it.  Focus on school must be intrinsically motivated or you'll just end up fighting with him with both of you frustrated.  My DS was exactly like yours.  Bright, skated along on the honor roll until HS then the grades started to slip.  We fought about it constantly his Freshman year and it was awful.  Sophmore year I decided my relationship with him was more important so made sure my expectations were clear, but just accepted that he was no longer the straight A student he used to be.  His grades were average-ish (A few As, Bs, and Cs here or there) for sophomore year, started improving Junior year, and now, Senior year, the importance of his grades (and the associated learning) has sunk in and he's back to straight As.  I've come to realize my teen is no longer a child and I can't treat him that way any more.  He's not quite a fully formed adult, but he thinks he is, so the more space and respect I give him the more he listens when I do give guidance.

It is tough - good luck![/quote]

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