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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I’m sorry. This is tough stuff.

My parents split when we were 2 and 4. Divorce was final two years later. I wish they had talked about it. I had no idea what was going on. Since my parents said very little, I thought there was shame around the split and never initiated conversation. But I did want to know things and I did have questions.

My parents were also deeply committed to not speaking poorly about the other. But this backfired a bit. One of my parents was depressed and not fully emotionally present. I wish we had confronted that as a family and that the parent who did not have physical custody the majority of the time had been more vocal about what healthy living looks like; that could have been done without throwing the other parent entirely under the bus.

Make an effort to keep play dates and social commitments for your children no matter which parent they are staying with. Divorce was very socially isolating for me even though I didn’t change schools or primary residences. Being “away” on weekends and the pressure for quality family time really separated me from peers. The feeling of being a single parent stressed my mom and she didn’t want to drive me to see friends when I was an early adolescent. It was a lonely existence.

Do keep the photos. Now that I’m nearly 40, I’m curious to see photos of my parents in their 20’s and 30’s. Unfortunately, most of them have been trashed.[/quote]

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