Reply to how to teach your kid not to be too nice/a chump

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m not saying that this is necessarily the case here, but something to consider is this: sometimes kids report that others are being mean to them or excluding them and that is true from the child’s perspective. But what is really going on is that Larla wants to do Activity A (let’s say make up a dance) and the other kids don’t want to do that activity (not necessarily not play with Larla), but Larla perceives that they are being mean to her or excluding her when the reality is that Larla is unable or unwilling to be flexible about the activity. Essentially, Larla has to decide what’s more important—doing her preferred activity or playing with friends who want to do another activity.

I had to go over this with my son a lot because he was reporting that no one wanted to play with him, and what was actually happening was that other kids just didn’t want to do the activity he wanted to do. Once he became a little more flexible and could say things like “ok, we’ll play Pokémon today but can we play basketball tomorrow?” he stopped complaining about feeling excluded.

I’m not saying this is what’s happening with your kid, but it’s a dynamic you may want to consider. A lot of parents take what their kid says at face value and don’t look into how their own kid could be behaving that plays into that dynamic.

That being said, my son can still be a bit of a chump like falling for kids saying they’ll bring him something tomorrow if he gives them something today and then they don’t. But that’s a lesson he’ll have to keep learning.

[/quote]

OP.  I can see how this would happen in some cases, but it doesn’t seem to be happening in this case--there seems to be a lot of girls getting together in groups and sometimes saying that one girl in particular (not always my daughter) can’t play with them.  In addition, some of the mean things said were to my daughter along with the only other black girl in the class (mean comments about hair texture and skin color).   And this was from a girl that my daughter had described as her “bestie” and who she was super excited to see you once the school year got started. :(

My heart hurts for her but I do think this is somewhat just her temperament--however, I wish she could toughen up a bit and not continue to try so hard to play with kids when they’re being mean to her.[/quote]

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