Reply to are kids feeling a pressure to identify to their peers?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think it’s pressure to come out early. I think it’s that it feels safe to come out younger than it did in years past. Did you know you were straight when you were prepubescent? Why is it shocking to think someone could know they’re not straight? It’s really not different. And as far as privacy goes, why does anyone need privacy around their orientation? I mean yes, some people are private, especially about their personal lives, but being forced into privacy is the same as being forced into the closet. It’s not shameful and doesn’t need to be hidden any more than being heterosexual needs to be private. Be careful what messages you’re sending to your daughter. I’m not reading a lot of acceptance in your post even though you have a friend who is “other.” [/quote]

Read whatever you feel into my post. Thats to be expected.

No of course its not shocking that someone would know their orientation at a particular age, because, yeah, duh, I knew I was straight. The point Im making is no one ever ASKED me. EVER. And now I think thats kind of interesting. Did everyone just assume I was straight?

No one needs forced privacy around their orientation, but its an option they can chose, isn't it? I was very clear in my follow up post to specify that choosing privacy is not the same as feeling obligated to be secret or feel shame.  I personally cant imagine how awful it would have to be to feel like you would HAVE to hide it. If I had to hide my attraction to boys/men, that would have been impossible to do. Horribly painful.

Im in the arts where being straight is queer. I have way more than one gay or bi friend! And I grew up with a gay couple as close family friends. I was lucky to grow up that way. So you see, I thought this was just normal- you are what you are.

My entire point is: kids are ASKING this as a data point about each other up front, and that is new. It is of course the best possible scenario to be able to freely express orientation. What you are missing about my question is that not everyone wants to or needs to express that to people. Do they?

With all of the openness about orientation, I dont see an overall true improvement in acceptance by humans of differences with regards to just about anything. People who are asexual still get treated like they are freaks, for example.

Finally, what if a person feels conflict? What if a person just isnt sure? Is the message that not being sure is also ok, and is also part of this message of openness? Thats the part Im not sure about....

My daughter and I have had lots of great conversations. She told me the other day "Im pretty sure Im not a lesbian, and Im pretty sure Im not straight. I have figured that much out." To me, thats totally fine. When she chooses to act on her feelings for either gender, that will generate the next level of communication about choices. As I explained to her, all I care about is that she finds people who treat her well, with love and respect. She HAS identified as not polyamorous. She imagines a monogamous long term relationship, and when younger imagined this to be a man, and as she got a bit older, realized it could be a woman. And she wants kids.

The challenge of actual relationships, which knowing your orientation doesnt help much with is: knowing your needs, respecting the needs of your partner, communicating honestly and fairly, being intentional and responsible. My goal as a parent is to give her resources to help her know or learn how to do those things. To that end, her orientation is not relevant. Ive explained this to her.

I'll be curious to see where it all goes: the first kiss(es) and all that fun stuff that is coming soon! <3

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