Reply to BIL's Wedding - Big Deal if Only DH Attends?

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[quote=Anonymous]DH's immediate family is small.  His parents divorced fairly early and he only has one sibling, his late-forties older brother.  Despite living in the same city, we only see BIL a few times a year at family events and they are not close. He's been in a more relationships than I can count over the last 20 years and always maintained that he never wanted to marry.  He's also a "failure to launch" type of guy who's adult life has been one poor choice after the next - arrests, DUIs, bankruptcies, etc.  He's a decent guy at heart, just so, so immature and unstable.

He is now engaged to a women literally half his age who wants a very traditional wedding in her hometown across the country. He is completely not into it and has made it very clear that he doesn't want to be involved in a single step of the planning, other than just showing up on the day. While I guess it shows a bit of rare selflessness on his part (?) that he would compromise his wishes for this woman, they have nothing in common and the whole thing has a weird vibe about it.

Our family (DH, me and 2 young kids) will be invited to attend. Initially we thought we would, but after pricing out airfare, hotel, etc. we've realized that it is way beyond our budget.  We can't even even afford to fly for our personal vacations! Our kids aren't good travelers and we have no options as far as babysitting to leave them at home. The last complication is that BIL just asked DH to be in his wedding party. He sprung it on him in front of a group of people and really put him on the spot to say yes, which he uncomfortably did.

Would it be awful if DH attends on his own and I stay home with the kids?  The catch 22 is that DH's father is wealthy and would probably offer to help with the costs if we say we can't afford it.  We've always tried to avoid taking money from him because of the strings that come with it and this event is certainly not worth the stress of it all to me or DH. Am I a huge b*tch for opting out of this?

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