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[quote=Anonymous]OP, mom of a 16 y.o. DD here and she is a complete slob.  I have no housekeeper so I've been working on this issue with her for years. (My younger DD has always been neat which in a way, rubs salt in this as I know it can't be an age issue)

Over half of our interaction was me getting on her to clean up, her saying, "I WIIIIIILLLLL!" and not doing it and me getting on her to do it.  It was a non-stop battle and really wrecking the relationship AND, I was angry all.the.time.

About 3 years ago now, thanks to DCUM, I read "Yes your teen is crazy!" and revised my approach.   I stopped, just stopped, and decided I only had a few years left with the kid in the house and I would just be the maid--this was for my own sanity; to decide not to care and be at peace.  This really helped both me, and the relationship, but of course at the cost of teaching her how to be neat--or so I thought.

And I might say, really nicely, "if you could pick up your towel" (clean up the bathroom) that would be great.  And not ask again.

And she started doing it.  She's still deficient at it, but it's not a battle.

So, I know you are not in a battle with your boy about this, but just want to encourage you not to turn it into a battle.

Second, I heard a lecture once from a doctor who specializes in adolescence, and she said, "kids don't actually know what "clean" looks like."  So for their room, for example you:

1) Clean up their room, exactly how you would like it.

2) Take a picture of their clean room.  Tape the picture outside their room in the doorway area.

3) Then say, "That's your room when it's clean. When I say, 'clean your room,' I want your room to look like that."

4) Then later on, when you've asked them to clean their room and they say their room is clean, don't argue.  Just smile and point to the picture.

(but in your situation, OP, I wouldn't start with his room; start with the living room)

Good luck, OP!  [/quote]

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