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[quote=Anonymous]My boyfriend would like us to discuss taking nexts steps towards getting more serious, which would mean thinking about living together at some point in time. I have a few concerns about some things he’s done that I’d like to understand better before moving forward. But he thinks that if I have questions it means that I don’t love him enough.

The first is that he’s given up legal and physical custody of his kids as part of his divorce agreement. He still sees them several times a week, but doesn’t have any custody rights and they never stay with him. When I’ve asked why things are this way, he just says that it’s no big deal and that it’s best for the kids. But I’m having trouble understanding it, because it essentially means that his ex, who isn’t on great terms with him, could bar him from seeing the kids or even move them out of the country with no forwarding address. I’ve known him for a year and don’t see any behavior that makes me think that his ex forced him to give up custody with some sort of threat, but it just seems weird to me. I really would like to understand this situation before I commit to anything more.

My other concern is that he’s recently spent a good deal of time, effort and money to pursue a second gig, unrelated to his career. To the extent that he’s spent far more money on it than he can expect to earn back for quite sometime. And when I’ve asked him why he’s pursuing it and what his goals are, he doesn’t give me an explanation. So I’m left befuddled as to what to think. If he told me that he’s doing it to bring in a bit more money or to develop a career that he could do in retirement or meet new people - I could understand any of these reasons. But I’m left wondering what’s going on. Is he planning to quit his day job at some point on time? Does he have debt that I don’t know about? If we were just going to keep our relationship as is, then what he does with his time and how he manages his money would be none of my business. But if we’re going to live together, I feel like I should understand why he’s doing this and where he thinks it may lead to.

I just am finding both these things very odd and a bit unsettling, and I’m not happy that we’re not talking about them. [/quote]

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