Reply to Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It

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Reply to "Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]My brother and SIL fully admit they are forcing their daughter from Asia to have a Bat Mitzvah even though there is no family pressure on either side to have one. [/b]The daughter makes it very clear she doesn't want it.  [b]I should also note they have both been great about making sure their daughter learns about her own culture too.[/b] They have taken her to events, signed her up for cultural groups and activities, encouraged friendships. [b]However, chances are she is not a member of the very small sect of Chinese Jews in China so I just don't understand pushing an agenda she doesn't want. [/b]She has complained to me and they have complained about how they basically are bribing her to do it. I did suggest it may be helpful to find a family therapist savvy to these issues with adoption to sort this out. I am not an expert, [b]but I don't see the point in forcing this even on a child who was born into a Jewish family. We didn't make our own kids do it.[/b]

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So, OP, it sounds like you don't think your niece is Jewish. I know you think you are advocating for her, but I would tread very lightly because all the information you have presented here screams that you see her as different because she is not a blood relative, and that the only way she could be Jewish is if her birth parents were. Is it possible that she doesn't want a Bat Mitzvah celebration because she's constantly made to feel like an outsider?

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OP responding. I didn't force my own kids to have it.  I don't believe in forcing anyone to do these things, but yes, if she is not of Jewish descent and she prefers her own culture, then I do not think it is fair to impose a different culture on her.[/quote]

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