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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have two daughters who are 8 and 5.  The older one is a gangly string bean and the younger one is tall for her age and built like a tank.  We never talk about their body types, but other people (grandparents, friends' parents) are always commenting.  None of it is ill-intentioned--talking about how skinny the big one is, saying "well she can afford to have ice cream every day," or calling the little one stocky, etc....  I try to cut off the commentary by saying that we don't talk about people's bodies and have directly asked the grandparents to stop, but it keeps coming back.  I'm not sure if I have a specific question, but I worry about how this plays out going forward as the girls get older and become more body-conscious.  What can I say to instill confidence and have them appreciate their own bodies?[/quote]

Stop the conversations when they start, in front of your daughters. Ice cream is a sometimes food, and not “afforded” by some people because of their shape.

And believe it or not.. is IS ill intentioned. Every little girl can afford ice cream, when warranted, despite their shape. Whoever is commenting is already telling your “stocky” daughter that she cannot enjoy things as much as your “beanpole” kid can.

My advice.. protect your kids from even what you don’t think is I’ll intentioned. For me, if it because repetitive, it would be a relationship breaker. Remind your daughters that they BOTH are strong, capable, kind, resourceful, helpful, etc. You may need to spend more time with your DD that you describe “built as a tank” in order to reassure her that her body is beautiful, because it the “beanpole” will get plenty of assurances from your family of how acceptable she is, at least sometimes. She’ll get told to “eat a sandwich” etc. as she gets older, and you’ll need to support her more then.

Support them. Let them talk. Be an open space. Offer positive things about their bodies. I don’t think it’s always great to deflect from body to something else, especially as they get older. I’ve been both skinny and now, overweight after having health problems after having DD. I have things to celebrate about [/quote]

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