Reply to 4 month old baby with sleep regression and constantly fighting with DH.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am welcoming any suggestions to help or reassurance that this is just a phase.

Just when our baby started to sleep 6+ hour stretches, he has suddenly started waking every 1-2 hours at night to nurse. I have tried soothing him with a pacifier but it doesn't work, he turns his head from side to side and can only be soothed with the boob or cuddles.

DH does not help at night. He has to get up at 4AM. He takes the baby as soon as I get home and we try to split the housework but I end up doing roughly 75%. He cooks dinner every other night. I make his lunch, get dinner started and he cleans up afterwards and folds laundry while I give the baby a bath and get him into his pajamas. I then get the baby ready for bed while DH runs the sprinkler or tidies up the living room and house. I've started getting out of the house once a week to go to a class and DH goes and spends time fishing or golfing every other week. We try to alternate and be mindful of eachothers needs but we are constantly nit picking eachother! It's so emotionally exhausting. DH is constantly forgetting to take dirty diapers to the garbage can and will leave them on the floor. When I point this out, he retorts that I am constantly leaving lights on. We get into arguments and end up at eachothers throat, asking if we even like eachother anymore to which we always respond that we LOVE eachother, but we don't always like eachother. I really sometimes don't like him but overall do love him, he can just be really forgetful and I feel like I'm caring for an older child too in addition to the baby. I'm exhausted from sleeping in short spurts and DH is exhausted from an early morning wakeup and commute with a physically demanding job.

Is this just an awful phase? Is there anything I can do to ease the fighting and make sleep easier for baby? Suggestions greatly appreciated.

[/quote]

It's a phase.  I would do whatever you can to make it easier (the PPs suggestion about a can in the baby room is very good).  Then sit down and acknowledge together that this a particularly trying phase for both of you; you are both trying your best and -- with that in mind -- stop pointing out what the other person did not.  Your goal is to make it through this time period - so it's triage.  So set up systems to make everything easier and just do whatever needs to be done.  It is not worth the emotional energy to nag or remind.  Also - lower your standards a bit.  You want to make it through the time in one piece and a light left on or a dirty diaper left isn't going to blow up the house.  As the baby gets easier and more reliable, then you can pick up the discussion about who is doing what and expectations.  Now is not the time.[/quote]

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