Reply to How to cope with mother who is needy, emotionally abusive, and manipulative? (LONG POST)

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[quote=Anonymous]I know 8:11! The responses were so helpful and thoughtful and affirming that honestly I started to cry. It’s taken me 20 years to see my mom for what she is, and it’s been difficult. I used to jump at her every call, go see her all the time at her house, include her in parties or dinners with friends at my house and it was never enough.

And you note a great fear of mine: I have always been very very afraid that I would turn out just like her! I am always on high alert for some similar behavior like over parenting or trying to insert myself into my kids lives, or if I get too obsessed with what my kids are doing. I never make demands that they see me or do what I want.

Regarding how I react to my mother I think that staying really flat and un emotional with her is the only thing that has kept me sane! The day I finally had the epiphany that I had to change how I reacted to her instead of fueling and enabling her craziness, was the day I honestly had some mental relief. It’s so so hard. I always think it would be better if she lived much farther away, but sounds like no! I don’t know what we all are going to do as our parents get older and more in need of daily assistance. Someone told me recently that they are buying a house big enough for both sets of parents to be able to live with them as they aged, and I thought who can really do that? It’s not financially sustainable for most people or mentally healthy for people to have to do this. But I can see it is a definite possibility with my mother at some point because she will likely not be able to support herself. [/quote]

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