Reply to How to cope with mother who is needy, emotionally abusive, and manipulative? (LONG POST)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow thank you all for your responses. And to 9:51 you have honed down the essence of what I have to do in such a way that I could never get my head around! I think I knew I would have to spell out these parameters, but I just felt so overwhelmed thinking about it. I would try to set boundaries, but then cave in and it would go all out the window. I think you've also hit the nail on the head for my mother's emotional problem- She's extremely insecure and paranoid, and I have wondered if she's got a touch of narcissism, but didn't want to accept it. Now that I have put this into words and gotten such good feedback, I feel like I can do this. My husband has been great and he tries to tell me not to worry about it, but I still end up feeling like garbage. Thank you so much for this thoughtful response with action items! I appreciate this so very much. [/quote]

I am SO impressed with that response and the one above it. I want to add, OP, that I am so impressed with the way you did NOT become your mother! You have an innate ability to step out of the emotion of it all and look at the actual facts of the situation and that will take you far.

My parents are cross-country and I have to tell you that, in my opinion, it makes things worse because you have the added stress of having to drop everything to help when needed, which hasn't allowed me to go back to work, because it's not fair to an employer to have to run off at the drop of a hat. My parents are both now physically frail so that is a very real probability.

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