Reply to What age is reasonable to expect good behavior from children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I work really hard to set my kids up to succeed behavior-wise.  I make sure they've peed, they're not hungry or thirsty, not over-tired, etc.

When I forget one of those, their behavior goes to crap. And I consider that my fault.

When I have all of those under control, I am 98% confident I will get good behavior from them by age 3.[/quote]

This is a good way to frame it pp- here’s what I’m asking- if you don’t “set your kids up for success” - say they are out too late or hungry etc- when can they regulate? My 4.5 yo behaves great, but every outing includes a lot of prep from me- the timing, the snack, etc.  We had a great day today but I am still heavily orchestrating that success. When can they regulate around their hunger, thirst, tiredness, overstimulation etc? [/quote]

Honestly, if I don't eat a meal, beware.  And I'm almost 40.[/quote]

I'm not sure what OP is expecting.  Adults get tired, cranky, hangry.  So do kids.[/quote]

Ha yes, but most of us don’t have a meltdown if we are hungry right? Most adults can regulate until their next meal. [/quote]

If that’s your goal, Op, to be able to take your kids to a store when they’re hungry or overtired and expect them to automatically self-regulate then the answer is never. Even in my marriage we prep each other for success and know each other’s weaknesses and triggers for bad moods or snap judgments and work around them. I don’t think either of us are particularly difficult people but we all have our triggers that make certain times less than ideal for accomplishing particular tasks. And as adults we get to decide when we’re truly up for something but kids never do and that makes it so much harder for them to consistently perform the way we’d like. So unless you’re talking about a crisis situation I don’t see why this would be your goal. And for those “we have no choice but to do this unpleasant task now” situations, I don’t think it’s general good behavior that you’re looking for but rather when kids are old enough to have the ability to be reasoned with when you explain that you understand they are struggling with XYZ but unfortunately in this rare situation you need them to power through. [/quote]

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