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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You should definitely talk to your DH about it, even if it's just to let him know how you feel and what you're thinking.  Be prepared for him to be anti-sperm donor (even if only initially) - the topic can bring out some feelings around manhood that you may not expect (and may find silly).  That's what happened to me.  Also, consider that a kid may like having a dna relationship to at least one parent, so it's a good idea to consider that (it'll be hard to tell a kid that you didn't want them to have it b/c it made you insecure).  My DH had the perspective that I got to be pregnant and have that bond (and the influence my body had on dna expression) and he wanted to have the dna bond.  After many many rounds of IVF, we did DE only.  [/quote]

You do bring up a few good points. However, and I know this sounds petty and I'm prepared to be flamed for this, he was the one who waited to get married with me repeatedly telling him that I had low ovarian reserve so I don't feel like it's fair that he still gets to have a genetic child and I don't. Just true feelings. I also feel that it will be an awkward family dynamic for us personally. I do feel my husband will be against it. [/quote]

I'm the PP above.  I felt the same - and it's not fair.  DH insisted we wait and then it was too late.  I was mad at him for wanting to wait and i was mad at myself for not pushing harder - lots of madness occurred.  We also discovered he had severe MF, so the donor convo wasn't just about fairness of genetic relationship.  For a while, I was concerned it wouldn't happen without a sperm donor.  UGH - I'd never been so angry as I was in talking to DH about it all - I could feel my blood pressure spike.  Getting through it took some therapy (coming to terms with anger at DH for delay and his position on sperm donor, my feelings of failure and loss at not having good eggs, understanding how DE would likely be perceived by child).  I do think you can/should express your feelings to your DH b/c they're valid.  In the end, though, it'll hopefully be about what's best for everyone as a family, including the child.  Getting there can be hard - HUGS.

In addition to putting my feelings aside so the kid would have a dna link to at least one of us, I was also more comfortable with DE.  I did a crazy amount of research into both.  Egg donors seem to be better vetted and they don't donate as many times, so there won't be as many potential 1/2 siblings, which can also be a plus for the kid.  Also, since it's a difficult process, I think that naturally helps (of course no guarantee) weed out people who only do it for $ and haven't really thought through what it means to them.  I'm not trashing sperm donation by any stretch (and I would have done it if needed), it's just that DE by it's nature seems to have some additional safeguards built in.

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