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[quote=Anonymous]Hello, looking for some kind advice, please, as I’m really struggling:

Two years ago, my MIL sold her house in California and moved to DC where she, my husband and I bought a house together. She is now 79. Thankfully, she has good health and pretty good mobility. Before the move, she and I got along great. She volunteered, met friends, and went to the casino once a week. Now that she’s in DC, it seems she doesn’t want to do anything. She stays home most days and only really goes to the casino and Whole Foods. She’s made a few friends but doesn't, from my perspective, take advantage at all of all the wonderful (and free or cheap) things DC has to offer. We live two blocks from a senior center. She went once. She never goes to museums or talks. We ask if we can help make her feel more comfortable and settled in, and she responds that she’s fine. She acts like the house is my husband’s and mine, which is awkward and uncomfortable to us. Because she doesn’t do anything all day, dinner time is torture because we have nothing to talk about. I feel like I’m constantly making small talk. She walks the dog, which is a huge help, but if I have to hear about my dog’s bathroom habits or talk about the weather at dinner because she has nothing else to tell us about, I’m going to go insane. Another complication: Her relationship with my husband isn’t great. She was a single mother and he’s an only child but she worked a lot and they’ve never been good at communicating. Neither shares details with the other which also puts me in a hard position because I’m often mediating between the two when he gets annoyed with her. My husband has suggested they go to therapy and she refused.

I realize this isn’t as organized as I’d like, but here’s what I’m struggling with:

-What can I do to try to make her more comfortable in our house
-What can I talk to her about when she doesn’t have a lot to contribute and we have different interests. I’ve asked about her younger years and family. 
-How can I increase my patience with her? We work long days and the last thing I want to do when I get home is to be in an awkward situation, and I get frustrated when she just sits and stares at me while I’m cooking. I fear my relationship with her, which used to be great and why I thought this move would good for all of us, is deteriorating and I’m sad about it. 
-If she doesn’t speak up with her wants and needs, what can I do? Give up? Keep asking if she’s happy? I’m at a loss.

She’s an incredibly kind and giving woman, but this situation is not going well and I feel like everything I’ve tried to make it better has not worked.

Again, please be kind and provide any productive thoughts about any of the issues I’ve set forth.

Thanks.

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