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[quote=Anonymous]I live in the US now but didn't grow up here. My adoptive mom (same ethnic community) is 60 but is helpless. Her dream would be for me to move back to our country and wait on her hand and foot. When I do visit, I accompany her to see her multiple doctors for her multiple ailments and listen to her ruminations about how she saved me from my bio mom who would have sold me into child prostitution among other awful outcomes and her suspicions about the neighbors who are jealous of me doing well and want to hurt me, who tried to poison her with their food etc. She has never owned any decisions she's made, and blames it all on me. For example, she told me that she fell sick after eating someone's "poisonous" food because I had "scolded" her and ditched her without taking her somewhere to eat and so she gave in to her emotional eating habit. Crazy, I know. That's just one example. In the past, I would get slapped across the face multiple times if I wasn't fast enough to react to her whims and once, while I was on the floor clearing something in our apartment I looked up and saw that she had her arms raised and looked like she wanted to drop a vase on my head. I freaked out and she retreated. Although she never broke any of my bones or left a bruise, I think I still have emotional scars from the violence and while I try to put the past behind me, I feel like I can't. I also know that if I try to address the abuse from her, she will turn it against me and say that she wouldn't have had to hit me if I was a better child. Being feeble and weak now (even says she's going blind), she plays an ever better professional victim. Since I know I won't ever get closure, the only thing I can do is to just stop all communication but I know it would break her heart. I told her I didn't have to tell her I was visiting and she said "But isn't it your duty? You make it sound like a favor" and honestly, in my mind, it is because I feel like she doesn't deserve any goodwill from me. I also know that she's very concerned about face and a great part of her identity to people in our community is being the one who raised me and takes credit for my achievements. Which is very hypocritical considering that in my senior high school years, she would scream that I would fail my college entrance exams and not end up in my chosen field. Now that I'm actually successful, she'll be offering unsolicited advice over the phone telling me not to get stressed out about work as if she was always the loving, supportive parent. It's just eff-ed up and I also feel torn about continuing to play the filial daughter because no matter what I do, it's never enough ("Oh you took me to doctor last week? How many times did I take you to the doctor since you were a baby?""Oh you're only spending time with me now, but you didn't show up for two years." Better than not showing up right?). I try to be objective and remind myself that her own bio mom never showed her any love or support because of untreated schizophrenia but it doesn't take away my pain. Anyway, I'm posting here because I feel so alone and can't share about this with anyone in person. If you've ghosted an abusive parent, did it make you feel better? How did you reconcile abandoning them with "all I did for you"? [/quote]

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