Reply to separation/divorce/coparenting when one spouse travels a lot for work

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My soon to be ex has been increasingly expected to travel for work. He's had around 4 work trips these last few months, with his last trip spanning 8 days. He is asking for 50/50 custody but I feel that if he is continuing to travel this much, it can't possibly be 50/50.

Wondering how others navigate this when you have children in the picture. How to keep it fluid for them with changing care schedules?  What should I have written into a divorce agreement?

[/quote]

When I divorced a man who traveled a lot for work, we generally were able to collaborate and make it work. We had a right-of-first-refusal clause in our custody agreement, which prevented him from farming out his custody time onto a flotilla of babysitters and temporary girlfriends (neither of us have local family). When he was gone for extended periods (e.g., 8 days), I was not comfortable having a babysitter be caring for my child so unless I really and truly couldn't care for her (like because I was traveling myself), I'd just keep her while he was away. We communicated about these switches exclusively through email because I wanted documentation of the requests. I did my best to balance out the time he was away with spending more time with her when he was around because their relationship was important, but I also wasn't willing to give up things like holidays and all weekends to accommodate his travel needs, particularly the ones that were not required for work. He goes to a lot of conferences and tends to tack on a few days to the trips to enjoy himself.

We divorced when DD was 3 and she is now 10. She recognizes that her father routinely chooses work over spending time with her and it has meaningful effects on their relationship. I've never said a negative thing about him and actually end up insisting that she see him when he is here, but his travel his increased over the years rather than decreasing. He went from 50/50 to more like 70% me and 30% him. This year it's more likely to be 80/20.[/quote]

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