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[quote=Anonymous]So far in life, things have been pretty easy for my middle school daughter.  Academics and sports have been a breeze - straight a student, always best on the team, selected by teachers for school awards etc.  She is kind and has made friends easily.  She always worked hard and was very methodical and thoughtful about overcoming challenges and setting goals.  She was fine in new settings and willing to try new things.  In short I never saw any red flags until now where everything feels tricky.  As expected, as one gets older and better, she wanted to tryout for harder stuff.  And she has hit a wall.  She has lost interest in her favorite sports and any confidence she had evaporated. It is hard to see her so down on stuff that brought her a lot of joy in the past (and on herself). I worry about her entering high school and having an academic meltdown.  She used to work hard at sports -  running a lot, practice by herself in the yard - but now she feels gun shy.  She also bemoans herself as the worst on her team, even though she probably is middle of the pack (and could get better with a good attitude).

I have read all the carol dweck, blessing of a skinned knee etc. and I can’t figure out how to get out of this place.  Relaxed parenting seemed to have worked in the past.  She took responsibility for what she wanted to do, we supported her and followed her lead and focused on values and experience, as opposed to achievements.  We have always celebrated the instances where we felt she was a good teammate and person but it doesn’t seem to matter.  She has also gotten really shy about making new friends on her teams (which may be a whole separate issue because I have prohibited insta and snap chat but I am holding my ground on those until she turns 14).  And she doesn’t want to try new activities.  All in all, this child doesn’t seem like herself.

I am really at a loss.  I am pretty sure we should pull her back from travel sports even though the rec options aren’t great (and likely to keep her off high school teams) and hope she can recalibrate.  She will likely go to a private high school and I am ruling out the rigorous ones that her counselors are recommending for places that feel a little gentler.

My older son, who everything comes less naturally to and was always so shy, is so much better adjusted - at least for now.

Anyway, I am not sure what I am asking but I just feel lost as a parent.  TIA for any advice.[/quote]

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