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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have two teen boys, so I can answer from that perspective.

Teen boys tend to stop communicating. Their default responses are grunts and shrugs. Example: At dinner last night, I asked my youngest how his sports practice was. I got a shrug and a grunt. I could have yelled at home for being rude, but then I've changed dinnertime chat into a confrontation. So I approached with specific questions that required answers: "Who was there? How is the new coach, etc..." It worked.

They look like "grown ups" but their brains are not mature. This leads to a lot of frustration. We think they can handle situations, they think they can handle situations, but really they aren't ready. Example: My oldest got my car towed a few months back. The sign RIGHT there said no parking, but he didn't see it. He had no idea how to get the car back and called me in a panic. If he's old enough to be able to drive, he should be able to park properly and figure out what to do if he gets towed, right? No...it's a learning experience and he called me when he didn't know what do to. I should be happy about that. I talked him through it (he paid to get the car back, though) and what could have been a shitty day turned out okay.

They are trying out new personalities/looks. This is the time in their lives they a figuring out who they are and they do that by trying different things and it can be tough to watch. Example: "You're wearing THAT?" I remind myself that hair grows and fashion trends come and go. I used to wear three Swatches at once because it was "cool." My mom scandalized her town with a miniskirt and thigh-highs in the early 1960s.

Basically, it's difficult because they are transitioning to adulthood and that is a bumpy process and we have a front row seat to the mishaps. We want to intervene to make sure it goes okay, but intervening doesn't allow for growth and learning. And when something goes wrong, the instinct it to tell them they are idiots, but that's not helpful. It's more productive to help them look for a solution. So it's a constant balancing act that we don't always get right. I try to say something kind and hug them once a day (whether they want to or not). [/quote]

hit the nail on the head!![/quote]

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