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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I read something that said that they often define themselves in opposition to things -- namely, you.  In thinking about what they DO want for a career, where they will want to live someday, what kinds of romantic relationships they will have -- mostly what they express is:
a.  I will not never dress like you, because you dress like a dork.
b.  I will never have the kind of boring job that YOU have where you . . . go to an office, have a boss, wake up early, etc.
c.  I will never live in some boring suburan hellscape like you chose to
d.  I will never major in something boring like accounting, like you did

It's a legitimate developmental stage, apparently, but it mostly comes across as ingratitude.  YOu want to say :  We left our cool, funky apartment to live in the boring suburban hellscape so YOU would have good schools, and now you're judging us for it?
It's like when they were toddlers and they pushed all your buttons, only now they REALLY have your number, and a lot of the things they say can be fairly hurtful because they're actually true. (i.e.  You never go to the gym and Cheryl's mother is much prettier than you are.  Do you think I don't know that?)
My husband's fed career has plateaued and we're kind of doing time until we retire, and my son at one point referred to my husband's "Dead end job" and it was just so gloriously hurtful.  
This is the stage where it's really hard to have to be the adult and not yell back.[/quote]

Yes! They are looking to set themselves apart from you (which is a perfectly normal and healthy developmental phase) but it often seems like a rejection of everything you are. You absolutely cannot take it personally or you'll destroy the relationship you could have with them as an adult. [/quote]

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