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[quote=Anonymous]My MIL has watched my SIL’s child for the last 3 years and SIL is returning from maternity leave soon. MIL will be watching both of SIL’s children. MIL sometimes goes over to SIL’s house and will clean and do laundry for SIL too.

My MIL has some chronic health issues that flare up from time to time and she is relatively frail and not in the greatest health. I will be returning to work in October from maternity leave.

DH and MIL have unrealistic expectations that my MIL will be able to watch two babies and a toddler. I have told DH that is way too much for one person and that we need to hire a nanny. Daycare is not an option (and never was) for several reasons, primarily medical/immune issues. (No, we are not anti vaxxers).

We can afford a nanny but it will cost 40% of my salary. I work FT from home and start at 7 am. It is so much more convenient for me to wake myself and baby up at 6am and get ready for work rather than getting up at 5am or earlier to to drop offs at 6:30 at my MIl’s house halfway across town.

DH is upset that we have to pay for childcare and I told him this is the cost of having a kid. We discussed the issue at length with MIL while I was pregnant, who had said that it was “DH’s turn” for childcare, but nothing really changed and MIL will still be watching SIL’s kids.

I’ve told DH that this is an issue between his mom and sister and that we need to start interviewing for nanny soon. He is irritated over the cost and we can’t seem to find any middle ground. SIL has made it clear she will be dropping her kids off at MIL’s house Monday to Friday. I’ve told DH it’s not fair to expect SIL to suddenly find a backup plan in a months time and why would she want to, anyways?

I’m not sure what to do. We need to get a move on with hiring a nanny but DH keeps fuming over the wage. Not so much that we can’t afford it but he’s irritated that we will pay whereas SIL does not have any childcare cost and he doesn’t feel it’s fair. DH is irritated that MIL helps SIL with laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc in addition to childcare.I don’t know what to tell him. I feel like this isn’t my issue to handle his misplaced anger. [/quote]

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