Reply to s/o Why so much delusion by parents of adult kids around "big happy family get togethers"

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[quote=Anonymous]This is inspired by the thread regarding the Family Reunion Cabin woes.

Situation is one that I hear of often, on this site and elsewhere. There is a big push/guilt trip for EVERYONE to all be together at the same time.
I fully get that there are some families that can do that, but there are also many other families where that is not going to go well.
There can be many, many reasons for this: siblings that never got along, a new in-law that clashes with another in-law, wildly different parenting styles emerging as grandchildren come into the picture, etc.

The really simple solution to this is to avoid putting the two clashing elements in the same place at the same time.

I totally get that most parents have a hope/dream that their adult children will be friends. So many people say that one of their primary reasons for having more than one is so that the siblings could be there for each other. I get that it would be hard to let go of that dream, but...

After a certain point, it's just madness to hold on to the delusion. Repeatedly putting the people together isn't going to lead to a magical love moment--it's going to create more friction. 
These older parents could have a wonderful vacation and create wonderful memories... if they had two vacations: one with one child+their family, and then with other child+their family.

Instead, everyone is enduring a tension-filled week. Why?

I have different groups of friends. I know that some of them, due to different interests/personalities/etc would not get along with each other. I don't create gatherings in which I force them all to be in the same room. Not only is it not fun for them, it's not fun for me, because I would have to constantly worry about keeping things fun.

Again, I know people have some really entrenched myths about "happy families" but I think it should be clear by just living in the world that such a thing is not necessarily the norm, and repeated attempts at the "full family reunion" in these cases is meeting the definition of insanity (doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome.)

Before people jump on to argue that in the instance of the cabin vacation the mother is sick, and that makes it different...
Unless she is weeks away from dying, I still think it would have been better to create two special family visits. Some time in the near future, those two sisters are going to have to come together in a time of grief to deal with funeral, etc. It would be tough in any circumstance, but the parents have guaranteed that the most recent thoughts/experiences these two sister will be taking into that moment are those of frustration brought on by the forced proximity in less-than-ideal circumstances of the cabin trip.[/quote]

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