Reply to Gender Non-Conforming Boy - Looking for Resources Not Your Opinions Or Judgment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are no girl things.

My "tomboy" (not a word we used) daughter was not "a girl who liked boy things." She was a girl. She liked things. A girl who climbs trees isn't doing a boy thing. A boy who plays dressup isn't doing a girl thing. Your son may like pretty things, or sparkly things, or all sorts of other adjectives, but I'd eliminate "girl things" from your lexicon. He's a boy. If he likes it, it's a boy thing.

This is important because kids are often shamed for liking things that aren't supposed to be for them. Whether that's still liking something when it's for "babies" or liking something that's for "boys" if you're a girl, I think giving your kid the confidence to know if he likes it, then it's for him, is critically important.

What sorts of resources are you looking for? As the parent of a gender non-conforming kid, I mostly got good at helping my daughter with words to push back against anyone who suggested that collecting worms wasn't "appropriate" for a "young lady" and things like that.

We also did a lot of mail order clothes to prevent having the fact that she was choosing "boy clothes" shoved in her face (that worked until she was about 10, then she had a crisis and tried to wear girl clothes for a couple of years, then went back to boy clothes and found out that puberty made that hard, and has finally settled on an aesthetic that works for her and involves mens and womens clothes).[/quote]

DP. While this is helpful, it's not apples to apples. Girls can get away with wearing boy clothes or enjoying the outdoors, etc. Being labeled a tomboy doesnt have a potentially negative connotation---in fact, many moms seem to prefer and promote it (banning pink and princesses and barbies).

But it IS different for boys. My 6 year old also loves traditionally girly things: unicorns, stuffed animals, anything with sequins and glitter, etc. He hasn't asked to wear girl clothes, but he does opt for pink/salmon and purple boys clothing. He's asked for a manicure, but I wouldn't let any of my young kids get a manicure (infection risk, nail damage, too mature).

I don't have any suggestions, op, but I will follow this thread closely. Just wanted to weigh in to let you know I have a sense of what your situation is like, and I dont think it's nearly as easy as what the pp described with her daughter. [/quote

+1 -- we've made a lot of progress in a lot of areas, but boys still feel a lot of pressure to be "boyish."  [/quote]

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