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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know if I’m posting this in the right place but wondering if anyone has experienced, or is experiencing this. My DH loves our 2 and 1 year old daughters, I know he does, but he does not seem to enjoy spending extended amounts of time with them. Extended as in, one full day (not by himself but all together as a family). In fact, he’s said as much, and said that it “feels like work” to him. He says he is just so exhausted after a couple hours with them that he checks out. I can then tell he is miserable, and it upsets me that he can’t just enjoy his family in the moment. Am I being unrealistic? Maybe I’m expecting something different because I personally am the happiest I’ve ever been and all I really want to do when I’m home (we both work FT) is spend time with my kids and my husband. He also says he [b]“needs more of [my] attention and encouragement” and I can’t help but want to scream bc i already feel like im being pulled in a million directions[/b]! [/quote]
There are two things going on here. One is that your husband is overwhelmed by caring for two toddlers by himself, which isn't great but is understandable since two toddlers at the same time is fairly exhausting, particularly if you are not experienced. He needs to become more comfortable with taking care of them. My recommendation would be that he either try shorter stretches with both of them (e.g., you go out for 1 hour by yourself on Saturday) or longer stretches with just one of them (e.g., he takes 2yo to playground for an hour and then to lunch afterward).

[b]The second thing is that your husband misses his wife, who is 100% focused on "the family" and not "the marriage." He is not likely to work on the first problem while the second one continues[/b]. [/quote]
This. It is actually the bigger issue and needs to be addressed first. [/quote]
NP.. you know.. I get this part, but a part of me thinks these men are just another "child" that the "mom" has to deal with.   I felt the same way OP does, too. I wanted a partner who I could rely on, not another person I had to "manage".  TG we are over these early phases now.  
[/quote]

I'm the original PP and while I can understand the feeling, I think it's also worth noting that there are a lot of changes after children enter the picture. Before we had kids, DH and I traveled all the time. We had tons of sex at various times and in various locations. We spontaneously made plans in the evening, both together and individually. The list of boring things that we complained about was basically confined to work. We now have two kids, and it is so, so easy to get into a routine where "parent" is your default role. It took a lot of conscious effort on my part to be "wife" and not just "mother." It is possible to balance the roles, and there are certainly times when it is more difficult than other times (OP and her husband are in one of those times). But it is also possible that the OP's husband feels (as my husband did from time to time) like I'd done a bait and switch on him. That the fun lady he fell in love with had promised enrichment of lives via children and then turned into a person who just talked about sleep schedules and play dates all the damn time.[/quote]

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