Reply to Husband screamed at me and never apologized or acknowledged it

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[quote=Anonymous]^^This.  You made a snippy comment right off the bat to him. He then - understandably - doesn't like the comment but you characterize him as "growing cold" and snapping at you in response.  I mean, how did you expect your comment to go over??

Then you compound the situation by following him around nagging him to talk to you after he repeatedly tells you to leave him alone. What did you expect would get resolved that night, especially if he was drinking?

I used to do the same - DH and I would get into an argument, he would abruptly end the conversation and stonewall, and I'd follow him around like a puppy because I needed closure. I couldn't stand the feeling of him being mad at me, especially if I felt it wasn't justified. He would tell me to leave him alone and I wouldn't.  I'm the type who could argue for hours and he gets really overwhelmed and reaches a point where he can't even process it anymore. Over time, I learned that once he reached that point, it was better to address the issues at a later time, once both of us were in a better frame of mind and we were able to see things more clearly. I am still the one who has to circle back to him and raise the issue again to get a resolution, which is annoying (he'd totally let it go if it were up to him), but DH will engage in conversation with me and we will address the issue.  We've discussed how, if he wants me to respect his need for space in the heat of an argument, then he needs to respect my need for resolving whatever happened.

So today, you approach your DH calmly and kindly, and say that you'd like to talk about what happened last night.  You tell him the drinking bothers you (since that obviously was the source of your initial, snippy comment), and how he reacted to you.  You also apologize for not respecting his need for space when he told you to leave him alone.

Don't get hung up on the fact that he hasn't approached you first.  He might be embarrassed or he might not remember.  What's more important: to address the issue, or for him to come to you first?

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