Reply to If you are a low energy introvert married to a high energy extrovert type A person

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband sounds pretty similar. He doesn't request  that I SAH, though. In fact, he insists on the opposite. I think a lot of his Type A is actually caused by anxiety, though. He won't admit to it and sees these traits of his as strengths and people who don't possess these traits as weak. Specifically he has a ton of anxiety about money and that drives a lot of his Type A tendencies.

I am a low energy introvert (but can seem extroverted in some social situations) and I also have two autoimmune disorders which both cause fatigue and the medication causes me to be immunosuppressed. I work a very physically, emotionally and mentally demanding job and need the weekend to recover from the week and gear up for the next week. DH WAH and has a lot of flexibility in his schedule whereas I have none. DH does a lot around the house, like unload/load the dishwasher, run loads of laundry, does most of the grocery shopping etc. But that is because he can't stand to see one dirty dish in the sink, or a full hamper. He doesn't really give me the opportunity to do those things when I'm feeling up to it but then kind of holds it over my head that he does "so much" and I don't. He also "doesn't know any other husband" who does these things consistently. I'm not going to leave a sink full of dirty dishes, but I'm ok with a pan soaking for a bit before cleaning it. DH can't stand that and so just takes it upon himself to do it right away if he sees it all the while muttering to himself about how he's always doing dishes. My DH also doesn't take responsibility when he makes mistakes, but is very quick to point out others' mistakes and he seems like he gains enjoyment from doing so.

I started going to individual therapy and the therapist said it sounds like we really need couples therapy. I know DH doesn't believe in that. We did try a few sessions a few years ago and didn't really get anywhere because DH refuses to see his behavior as anything but fantastic and therefore people who aren't like him are weak and lazy. He also won't admit to anxiety and has no desire to "lose his edge". When I try to express how I feel he immediately goes into defensive mode and how what I'm saying is that he's a terrible husband and father. I'm not saying that at all, but that's what he hears. He accuses and blames and we don't get anywhere. I'm sick of suppressing my feelings because it only leads to resentment, but expressing them doesn't get us anywhere either.

Sorry, OP. It's a difficult and complicated dynamic. [/quote]

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