Reply to Fostering - give it to me straight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am interested in fostering.  We have 3 kids (all boys). Currently they are all aged 6 and under. So, I am interested in learning more now and as they grow, potentially becoming involved in the system. I am hesitant to say that we want to foster to adopt. Can anyone give me their opinions and thoughts about fostering? DH and I both work full time, but I could take some leave when the child was first placed with us. We are open to the youngest children, so ages 5 or so and under. I don't know what we can do as working parents, how to reconcile the fact that I think we can handle temporary fostering but are not aiming to adopt (although I'm not sure this is possible? We'd never kick out a child who didnt' have another place to go!!!), and how to figure out all the details. Be gentle - I am interested in learning, so I am ignorant of the day to day reality of fostering. [/quote]

My response comes from a place you might not have expected: my son spent more than 2 years in foster placements. (It was a complicated situation, but one thing that brought him back was a federal OCR complaint to DHHS--didn't get the finding I wanted but it brought him home and for whatever reason DHHS kept it open until he was 18).

1. Yes, they want people who intend to foster temporarily. Most kids who go into foster care do so with a formal goal of reunification (what that means in practice can vary considerably). 
2. Please do not do this for the purpose of bringing your foster child to Jesus. Those are the worst. 
3. If the child has a SN diagnosis, educate yourself about the diagnosis (caseworkers may be knowledgeable, but don't assume that and if they indicate that they do know stuff, don't assume they are correct).
4. There really are two sides in any adversarial legal process, and the result of any such process is always a construct that may or may not conform to reality. 
5. It is fairly common for children to exhibit behavioral issues connected with their visitation. This is not necessarily a judgment against their parents; it is evidence that their world is complicated.

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