Reply to How to tell my mom to stop talking about my marriage and DH

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[quote=Anonymous]Is there ANY way -- any way at all -- that you can get her out of the home and get your child into day care ASAP? Downsize, or give up any extras to save money (vacations? Extra car? Anything) or one of you hoes part-time if at all doable (even if you have to downsize to a smaller home with, guess what, not enough room for mom)?

I ask this because you say your marriage is already under a huge strain even without mom in the mix. Yet she's there IN you house and life 24/7 compounding the strains. You have to risk offending and upsetting her in order to save your marriage, OP. Does she have nowhere else to go live if you and DH announce you are downsizing? I would not discuss this with her at all but would work with DH on it and present it to her as a done deal with enough lead time that you can help her get into other housing. But don't wait. She's poisoning you against your husband whom you say is making an effort to improve. Do not let "But she's my mother/I have to care for her/this is a cultural obligation" etc. make you end up divorcing if you want the marriage.

If you cannot find a way to get her out from under your roof and out of your day to day lives as caregiver--you likely will lose the marriage. Don't lose your marriage to a desire to keep your mother happy. In your shoes I would move heaven and earth to change this even if it means DH or you takes a different job or you have to move.

I know this is all too easy for a stranger to say since I can't know your financial or work situations. I just advise you and DH sit down now with a financial planner and figure how you can move mom out and preferably also afford child care if you can.

And marriage counseling or couples therapy IMMEDIATELY because you need to deal with how mom is very negatively influencing your feelings toward your husband. That's extremely serious, OP, and a key reason to put her back in the role of just grandmother we see on our own schedule--not live-in babysitter who is a negative voice in your home every day. You can find counseling for low or sliding costs through women's centers if cost is an issue. 
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