Reply to How to tell my mom to stop talking about my marriage and DH

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[quote=Anonymous]This is a bit of a vent but background of the story is that my retired mom is currently living with us to help take care of our toddler since we both WOH full time. My husband and my mom appears to get along on the outside but she is constantly judging him as well as judging my marriage. Like how my husband and I handle our family affairs, he takes care of his side of the family and I take care of my side, which keeps things simple. My mom says to me, that's not how a married couple should work, that we both need to work together to help out both sides. We are both Asian, and apparently when you marry an Asian family, you have to view your in-laws as your actual parents, not your spouse's parents. But there is no way I can view my MIL the same as my mom, since she did not birth me nor raise me. The same goes for my husband. My mom kept coming up with the example when we went grocery shopping together and my husband bought stuff for his mom, but did not pay for my mom's stuff. He probably just didn't think to do it, but my mom has been holding a grudge against him since (like he doesn't think she is his family, blah blah blah). At the same time, I'm not a great DIL either, so I can't expect my DH to be a great SIL. On a normal basis, he is very respectful towards her and does not cause any issues, so he thinks there is nothing wrong.

Another example of how judgmental my mom is - we have asked my MIL to help watch our child as well, but it is a burden for her since she is still working full time. My mom sees this as my MIL not caring and loving her grandchild since my mom is going above and beyond. And keeps bringing it up to me and even tells our toddler that your other grandma doesn't love you, blah blah blah. I told her to stop telling this to DD and she will figure out who loves her or not when she is older. Of course we are extremely grateful for my mom's help but we cannot expect everyone to be like my mom.

Also, my marriage has been pretty rocky since we had a baby and we have been on the verge of divorce so many times. I lost a lot of love and respect for my husband. We are both trying to make this work for the sake of our kid. He is making a effort to try to become a better husband and especially a better father, which is the reason why argue all the time. My mom doesn't know this part.  Hearing my mom talk about how he isn't a good son in law and how his side of the family suck is really affecting and influencing my feelings towards DH as well, which I know is not healthy at all. I'm trying my best to ignore her comments. Should I bring it up with DH at all or just keep it to myself? Is there anything I can say to my mom? My marriage is already weak as it is. [/quote]

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