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[quote=Anonymous]Are you happy, OP? Could you be happy? Do you like your spouse’s personality? Have you gone to individual counseling to sort through those questions? What works for other people may not work for you.

That said, my marriage was miserable for years. Several times a year we went days without talking to each other. What finally worked was that each of us started figuring out the unhelpful patterns we brought with us from our families of origin. We did it for our own sanity, not for each other or for the marriage. The side effect was not only did we each get happier and healthier, the relationship did too. I stuck it out because I was prioritizing moving through other life challenges and didn’t want to also manage a divorce. Then eventually we worked through our careers, living situations, setting boundaries with extended family, etc., and I realized that I was pretty happy with where we were. The fighting had stopped too. Now I can say that my relationship really makes me happy. But I was lucky to have married an empathetic person who is willing to put work into our relationship.[/quote]

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