Reply to How to get DH to make peace with his sibling who has terminal cancer?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So how did you find out that "John's" cancer had become terminal if no one has actually mentioned anything to your dh.

If that is true, then there might be a valid reason why your dh is not reaching out to his brother.  It's like his brother has purposely cut him out of the loop.  If that's the case, is it even appropriate for your dh to contact "John"?

Did your husband say something in the emails to his brother that caused "John" to cut him off?[/quote]

This.

My sister and I are not on speaking terms with my parents. She’s pregnant with her first child. Part of why we don’t speak to our parents is due to the abuse we suffered during childhood, and then they started being manipulative and emotionally abusive toward my children, thus repeating the cycle. My poor sister gets so much grief from extended family because they feel she somehow owes them access to her new baby. People are coming at her through me, or attempting to, to try to change her mind and make amends. (Our parents actually cut us off and said they won’t see us again while we continue to insist on certain boundaries.) Some people are so adamant, to the point of badgering us, it reopens all the old wounds and we’ve limited or cut off contact with people who won’t drop it. Every time someone tells me I owe it to my parents to let them get to know my kids I can’t help thinking about the abuse they put me through.

Don’t be that person to your husband. Do you think he hasn’t considered all the possible outcomes? Do you trust him to know his feelings and to live with his decisions? Do you think he’ll blame you if you don’t “fix” this for him? Has he asked for your opinion on any of his options? How do you know his brother’s medical status if the brother and family aren’t updating your husband? [/quote]

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